lovers.

I can distinctly remember the first time I saw a full-cabaret show live. February 2012. Toronto. 

I had been training in a heels program for about five months, and several of the more seasoned dancers were performing in new show at a stunning, very Chicago-esque lounge. I had already been captured by the principal dancer of our company (and the owner of the new company I was going to see), but was completely unsure of what I was getting myself into. 

I was not only mystified by the interactive choreography, guest performers and storyline, but by the audience. People were coming out for a vintage experience, to be transported into a tale and watch something unfold live. 

After the first act, I was hooked. I knew this is what I wanted to do with my life. 

I realized I wasn't strong enough yet. Instead, I gunned all my energy during my last semester of university into school, finding a job and training as much as I could with my other dance troupe. But that mystical show hadn't left my mind. 

After that summer, I realized I could still dance and work my "real" job. I admit that it's tough (I'm still doing it!)

However, I wasn't being creatively satisfied as an artist - my everyday life wasn't inspiring me to make good art. I realize now I was hiding my art from influencing my everyday life. 

I wanted to wear pin-up clothing, flowers in my hair, dance in cabaret heels, flirt and talk to the audience. I also wanted to have a real paycheque, a career and wear a pencil skirt walking down Bloor Street. 

After moving to Vancouver, I once again put this cabaret dream aside to pursue other opportunities - which have all lead me down the right path. From the outside, it might look like I walked into this, but trust me, I've been dying to do this kind of work for over two years. 

Now I'm performing alongside five other beautiful dancers in The Lovers Cabaret in an interactive, mysterious, unique and interesting show from our newest sector, The Noir Series. 

I've had the opportunity to experience dance in a completely different way. I've been extremely challenged as a choreographer. I've pushed my personal and artistic limits to the edge. I've accepted the comfort in being uncomfortable. 

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - E.E. Cummings. 

For the first time in my life, I feel like I found who I really am. And I'm happier than ever. Really. 

The Lovers Cabaret presents: Mistresses at The Fox Cabaret, Vancouver one last time, July 5 at 8:30PM. Limited tickets still available at www.theloverscabaret.com 

Even better? That principal dancer / owner of the company I admired in Toronto? She's giving me personal feedback, character and performance advise (thank you Facebook!) 

qualms.

Easter Exultant - by James Broughton 

Shake out your qualms.

Shake up your dreams.

Deepen your roots.

Extend your branches.

Trust deep water

and head for the open,

even if your vision

shipwrecks you.

Quit your addiction

to sneer and complain.

Open a lookout.

Dance on a brink.

Run with your wildfire.

You are closer to glory

leaping an abyss

than upholstering a rut.

Not dawdling.

Not doubting.

Intrepid all the way

Walk toward clarity.

At every crossroad

Be prepared

to bump into wonder.

Only love prevails.

En route to disaster 

insist on canticles.

Lift your ineffable

out of the mundane.

Nothing perishes;

nothing survives;

everything transforms!

ties.

"If you are lucky, stop seeing the world as a series of things you do not have 
— a boyfriend, a baby, an adorable terrier – 
and you start noticing the things you do have.
A healthy bank account…No romantic ties.
Loving parents who wanted nothing but happiness for you.
Years to burn.
That kind of freedom is like a command from the universe to get off your ass and do something amazing."

— Sarah Hepola, Every Woman Should Travel Alone

Although not each of these things apply directly to me, I'm using this quote as a mantra for autumn.

Good things are a'happening.