portiavsnature.

Portia versus Nature. Day 9.

Today I drove home from the dance studio in a truck, flabbergasted at the sunset glowing behind the mountians that surrounded me (literally 180 degrees) while the radio played country music.

How am I?

Yes, that's the Portia you all know. She's still in there.

Today was the first one since I arrived in Northern B.C. that I put on eye makeup and really properly did my hair (I had a video call with a client - girl's gotta look professional) - but there's something very interesting about stepping away from the "mask" we wear in the city.

I've learned a lot of things since I've been up here.

I've always been comfortable spending time along and always make a point to have "me" time, especially when my jobs are so social and interaction-based.

There's a whole different kind of solo adventure that happened to me this time - one I imagine some must have when they're travelling to a country by themselves.

But this solo-adventure has been in a low-stress situation, sharing my knowledge and trying new things each day. Without the added work of a different language, or customs, I've really found a place to settle in my mind.

I'll never take good WiFi or cell phone service for granted again.

Don't underestimate how many resources you have available at your fingertips. For example, there isn't even a Starbucks in Terrace...there's one on every other street in Vancouver and Toronto. Whenever I'm now looking for a costume piece, etc. I'll remember this.

However, there is a level of simplicity here. Less options, less stress, less rushing.

I will give it to them, I've had more time to plan, look ahead to the coming months and strategize how and how I want to attack them. With much more teaching on the table, I definitely caught my breath in my throat the other night (was it nerves?)

Then it occured to me, just like it did a couple years ago when I had a lot of things going on - this is everything I've always wanted, right? These are opportunities, not hinderers.

Last Fall, I remember thinking and manifesting that I wanted to be teaching more dance and working with students of all ages. Be careful what you wish for I guess, that's now basically my full-time job!

Along with that, I'll beheading to both Portland and L.A. in the next six weeks for both work, professional development and pleasure. I can't wait, and am very honoured to have both of the opportunities. More on that to come.

For now - I'm surviving my time in the woods. I'll be back to Vancouver late next weekend. See you on the other side!

holes.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Nothing in life is easy. 

But that's no reason to give up. 

You'll be surprised what you can accomplish if you set your mind to it. 

After all, you have only one life, so you should try to make the most of it. 

- Holes, by Louis Sachar 

I truly could not have stumbled upon this quote at a better time. Better my last dance performance in Toronto last night (which was incredible!) and encountering an obstacle in my moving process, it's a great reminder to "LLL." 

LLL is my mother's saying - "live your life large." 

There are always going to be things out of our control, things will do wrong and well, life happens. 

However, if nothing else, since the day I arrived in Toronto five years ago to now has been an incredible learning experience. 

I've made some of my best friends for life, incredible connections and have had the opportunity to perform and dance again after thinking that life was finished for me. I've had the opportunity to travel and see New York City, Montreal, Niagara Falls,and various parts of Ontario while living here.Living here has broken down any walls I had, and now I'm not afraid to pick up my bags, jump on a bus, plane or train and just go. 

This is just the beginning. Toronto, thank you for being a huge chapter of my life. You'll be bookmarked, for sure! 

Next stop - Vancouver! 

risks.

The death of a dance company is one of the worst things to hear about when you are a performer. It's discouraging to see how many young dancers you teach and who aspire to work professionally may not get the opportunity to because the financial structure, support and audience may not be there.

Last night, I learned that the company I was an apprentice to in high school, Moving Arts Dance, had its last performance a few weeks ago. I was, and still am, devestated.

This isn't the first dance company I've seen fold. I remember one page of the San Francisco Chronicle in 2006, telling the story about the Oakland Ballet dropping the curtain permanently. I couldn't even comprehend that this was possible, especially with a large company in Northern California.

To be honest, I haven't lost anyone extremely close to me, and have only experienced death through the life and buffer of someone else. This I'm thankful and very blessed for, and I know that losing a close relative or friend means suffering from unimaginable pain.

In some way through, that is how I feel about losing my company.

My artistic director worked for nearly 30 years teaching, choreographing and pushing the boundaries of modern dance. She took me under her wing, along with nine other ladies, and transformed the way we danced. Yes, it was hard to have a normal high school life; we trained nearly full-time outside of school and performed on weekends. It was an intense, mentally and physically challenging, and life-changing experience.

However, Moving Arts gave me so much.

Our company motto was,

"the only risk in life is not taking one"

- this has stuck with me

since day one.

When I come up against a wall, I remember how much harder it was to do some things physically from that time and work through it. When I doubt myself, I remember having to perform a seven minute solo to "music" that consisted of the sound of a chainsaw, doors slamming and glass breaking.

After that, I learned I could do anything.

I'm so sad that not more dancers will have the same opportunity I had to experience dance in such an organic and intimate environment, especially with how many commercial ventures there are today. However, the lessons, skills and drive that Moving Arts taught all its dancers will live on as we go into the next phase of our lives. True, it's been five years since I've been to the studio in California, but I still think about it everyday. As a choreographer, every time I start to create, I remember those lessons and skills I learned so long ago.

Perhaps it isn't that a dance company really dies, it just reincarnates into something new. Who would have thought I would be living in Toronto dancing and teaching all the B.C. Interior? Or that one of our dancers would make the top 20 of So You Think You Can Dance? Or another graduating with with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in modern dance this year? None of us saw that coming, so why should we doubt what's next?

So how do we make room for dance? I can only honestly say, that is to be determined.

As for now, all I can say is all the best to the dancers of Moving Arts and thank you so much for everything.

"Dance, dance...otherwise we are lost." - Pina Bausch